Happy Valentine's Day to all those who celebrate. Whether you'll be spending it on Hinge, on a date, or shacked up, here’s how to spend this romantic weekend in Melbourne. Don't worry—no more mentions of Valentine's Day now, we promise.

The Headlines

• In the latest list of ideas that probably should've stayed in the boardroom, a VR simulation of the Titanic is coming to Melbourne. You'll be able to wander through recreated rooms, hear real passenger stories, and have your very own Jack and Rose moment. If Leo isn't coming to do the grand opening, we don't want it! The novelty set up is running for a limited time, so get in before it sinks (sorry).

• Melbourne's most famous resident has got a new Mrs, and no, it's not the Hemsworth brothers. Pesto the penguin, who captured the world’s hearts last year for basically being an absolutely huge baby, has matured and caught the eyes of older penguin, Pudding. Despite him still being too young, it's not stopping them having a little flirt. The pair are shacked up at the Melbourne Aquarium if you fancy paying them a visit. Pesto and Pudding—just need another penguin called Pasta, and it sounds like our dinner every night.

• You might not be aware that Melbourne actually has an underground wrestling scene, and this piece by Beat tells us all. A normally quiet and wholesome market venue, the Essendon Ukrainian Hall comes alive once a month, transforming the venue into a theatrical combat arena for a surprising number of passionate fans. Who knew WWE happened on our doorstep.

Where to Eat and Drink

Craving classic pub grub? The Sherlock Holmes Inn in the CBD has you covered. This cosy, British-style pub serves up proper pints, bangers and mash, and a solid steak and ale pie—all in a warm, wood-panelled setting. With four types of gravy on offer, it’s about as close to home as you’ll get without booking a flight.

Where to Live

The current tenants of this flat being students comes at absolutely no surprise. The dim fairy lights, wonky house plant, and chaotically decorated fridge gave it away a little bit. Looking past the clutter, we're promised there's an indoor toilet—which apparently is not always a guarantee in Windsor (news to us). It doesn't feature in any of the photos though, so we wouldn't take their word for it.

Core selling point: unlimited free parking.

Where to Work

If Melbourne's pastry scene hasn't ruined your waistline enough, we raise you a job in a chocolate shop. There's no disappointment quite like a lack of freebies in a Koko Black shop, but getting a job there will surely guarantee a 100% success rate in future. Luckily, the Chadstone store needs new team members ready to dish out the goods—so get your application in and never be short of a sweet treat again.

Where to Go on Friday

Brat summer is back for one day only as Chari XCX graces Laneway Festival today. Joined by the likes of Olivia Dean, Barry Can't Swim, Beabadoobee and Bicep, it's worth a last minute ticket if you can get your hands on one. It's been dubbed the Australian Parklife, with hopefully a few less Nike tracksuits—it's giving the vibe that there won’t be a doof stick in sight. Here's a link to the office ticket marketplace to make sure you don't take a huge L at the gate with a fake. There's also plenty of after parties going on if funds are low.

Where to Go on Saturday

Just as you thought every possible city festival has already been done this summer, along comes the St Kilda Beer Festival. It comes with all the usual favourites: live music, street food, live comedy, and a hustling and bustling atmosphere—but with the added bonus of a huge selection of the finest craft beer, cider, and distillery venues Melbourne has on offer. There’s even a dedicated 'Beer Olympics' zone, whatever that could be.

Where to Go on Sunday

This weekend sees a 'monumental moment for Melbourne's club scene' come to The Gaso in Collingwood for a huge 24-hour party. Featuring local and international DJs, the event is set to be a 'multi-level exploration of dance music and community'—bold claims. With both Saturday and full-weekend tickets sold out, your only chance to experience this party is on Sunday. Your ticket gets you in from 7 am—quick ginger shot and you'll be ready to hit the club until 11 pm.

Enjoying the Melbourne 417?