Despite doing food from other countries very, very well, Australia is hardly known for its standout local cuisine. This list ranks the worst food on offer, and Vegemite predictably takes the top spot. We actually haven't heard of most of the other things on the list—maybe this weekend, it's time to try some Dolly Varden cake. Here's the best of what Melbourne has to offer this weekend, with some nicer food recs in the mix.

The Headlines

• A woman living just outside of Melbourne called the police earlier this week after her dog was alerted to an intruder climbing up the fence in her garden. Police arrived just a few minutes later to investigate the suspected burglary, only to find it wasn't in fact a robber but a huge koala scaling the fence—the most Aussie thing we've ever heard. It took half an hour to coax the bear back to safety after it had made itself nice and comfy in the woman's dog bed.

• A visit to the regional hot springs spa is on every Melbourne newbie's bucket list, but they are famously very expensive. This new spa is just as luxurious, and who cares that the heat in the water isn't naturally occurring? For $59, you get access to the 1,000 square metres of indoor and outdoor magnesium baths, cold plunges, and traditional sauna and steam rooms. Located on the Torquay coast, About Time looks like it's been plucked straight out of Bali.

• If you find Chadstone overwhelming enough already, look away. The shopping empire has just opened a brand-new food court that’s somehow bigger than the MCG. Expect 30 new eateries with everything from quick bites to fancy sit-down meals, plus a few Melbourne favourites making an appearance. Even more reasons to spend too much time and too much money in there.

Where to Eat and Drink

After a pot of gold or just a golden pint? If it’s the latter, get yourself to the Rainbow Hotel in Fitzroy any weekday between 3 and 6 PM for a cheeky but cheap beer. Pots of Stone & Wood are going for $5, and a proper pint will only set you back a tenner. From the outside, it looks like your standard Aussie pub, but step inside and you’ll find one of the best beer gardens in Melbourne—perfect for soaking up the autumn sun. It’s been pouring pints since 1869, so they know what they’re doing. Pop in for their regular live music and see for yourself.

Where to Live

It doesn't get more "year in Australia" than living in a flat with a palm tree smack bang outside your window. This entire one-bed apartment is available in Balaclava from the end of April, and it could be yours right through to the end of summer 2026. The kitchen and lounge are more uni flat than beachside paradise, but nothing a little Marketplace search can't fix.

Core selling point: look at that natural light.

Where to Work

A day full of new spas, another absolutely stunning new opening is Soak Bathhouse in South Yarra, set to open in April. Ahead of the opening, they're looking to recruit a team of casual attendants to help run the place. Attendants will welcome guests, facilitate bookings, and just generally float around the place creating a relaxing environment. Goes without saying, but employees get access to the facilities which normally set guests back a hefty amount.

Where to Go on Friday

The Thursday dating events have now spread to Fridays. They are putting on their first weekend singles’ mixer at Spice Market in the CBD, where their biggest event ever in Melbourne will see over 400 eligible bachelors and bachelorettes take to the dance floor for a bit of mingling. It does have the potential to turn into something resembling a uni freshers’ event, but hopefully most people have grown out of that by now. Around 40% of attendees go alone, so take the plunge if you're brave enough—it’ll be a spectacle if nothing else.

Where to Go on Saturday

As part of the Melbourne Food & Wine Festival, Queen Vic Market will transform into a sweet treat paradise for one weekend only. The Sweet As Festival will see over 20 dessert traders take over the market. The main event is from the Bearded Bakers who will be putting on their signature live baking performance with live music, drumming, and dancing—a niche speciality. The event is on Saturday and Sunday from 9 am to 4 pm.

Where to Go on Sunday

All things must come to an end, and that thing is a good old Captain Baxter Sunday session. After 20+ weeks of cocktails, DJs, and ocean views, the final Baxter Sundays of the season is upon us. One final Monday hangover before we swap spritzes for scarves. Free entry until 6 pm, then it’s a tenner at the door—so get in early and send off the season in style.

Enjoying the Melbourne 417?