In absolutely brilliant news, Melbourne is set to get a much needed rail link from the airport into the city. But in absolutely terrible news, it's looking to be about ten whole years away. If they give us a few million and a team of white-card holding Brits abroad, we reckon we could have it ready to go in six months. Here is what's happening this Monday in Melbourne.

The Headlines

• Cult favourite Joey’s Doughies is opening in the QV Foodhall this morning, and like any good launch, there are freebies for the first through the door. With 30 variations on the menu, it’s set to be a haven for sweet treat addicts. The first 200 customers will bag an original glazed, and to save you from turning up in the wrong spot—this isn’t Queen Vic Market, it’s QV on Lonsdale and Swanston. You’re welcome.

• Gelato Messina have revealed their take on an Easter Egg for this year—a 1kg supersize gelato and cheesecake-filled egg with pretzel, and of course, lots of chocolate. The egg is designed to serve six, which naturally calls for an Easter egg party to try and demolish it with your mates. Pre-orders open tomorrow and will set you back $80, and with Messina's cult following, they almost always sell out.

• Gordon Ramsay has been singing the praises of Melbourne's restaurant scene, even claiming it’s better than Paris due to the laid-back, ego-free cheffing culture. He shared his favourite places to eat in the city, and with Michelin stars coming out of his ears, these are recommendations to trust. He named Fitzroy's Marion Wine Bar, seafood heaven Stokehouse St Kilda, and authentic Filipino restaurant Serai as some of his top picks—no kitchen nightmares here.

Where to Eat and Drink

If you’re after a proper taco, Brunswick East’s CDMX has you covered. This Mexican-style taqueria has turned birria into an art form—slow-marinated overnight and packed with flavour. The braised beef brisket is a standout, but vegetarians aren’t left out, with a meat-free option on the menu too. At $23 for three, they’re a solid deal, and if you’re in the city, you can grab them on the go from their Melbourne Central hole-in-the-wall.

Where to Live

This sharehouse really has itself together—outstanding sofa choices, giant house plants, and a thriving veggie patch. For $380 a week, you could wake up to plenty of natural light and that gorgeous pup staring up at you. The post doesn’t give much more away, but knowing what your future housemate had for breakfast is probably oversharing anyway. Maybe others could learn a thing or two from Alex.

Core selling point: no boring “no dog on the sofa” rule.

Where to Work

From the endless rooftop bars to apartments with skyline views, we're living in a city that's clearly best viewed from above. If you simply can't get enough, a job at the Skydeck wouldn't go amiss. This casual role involves answering tourists' questions about the city so you might need to ask ChatGPT a thing or two before your interview. Speaking a second language is also a bonus so if you're the type to brag about your Duolingo streak, now's your time to shine.

Where to Go

With the Melbourne International Comedy Festival opening later this week (stay tuned for more on that), there is no better time to go to one of Melbourne's best-loved regular comedy nights, Local Laughs in St Kilda. There are a lot of funny people in town ahead of the festival, and some are set to be making appearances tonight, with two UK comics getting behind the mic. Tickets are $20, and the show kicks off at 8:30 pm at The Local Taphouse.

Enjoying the Melbourne 417?