The beaches of Melbourne have opened their shores again following the storms, and with what could be the last day of clear skies for a couple of days, it's the perfect day for a dip—you can double-check your local beach here. Here’s what’s happening today in Melbourne.

The Headlines

• As much as Aussies like to think their humour is on par with ours, we all know it’s not quite there. So, if your mates' chat isn’t quite cutting it, you'll be happy to hear that Nish Kumar is heading Down Under to pick up the slack. The British comedian is bringing his political takes to Aussie stages this April, and given his track record, no topic is safe. He'll take over Melbourne Arts Centre with a huge run from the 8th to 20th of April—tickets out now.

• Bianca Censori hit the headlines this week with her very risqué outfit choice for the Grammys, designed by her husband Kanye West. It turns out she actually lived a very quiet life in Melbourne before marrying the rapper, although she does have an interesting background. It's been revealed that her father was actually known as 'the Al Capone of Melbourne' back in the day, with him being the big name in Melbourne's criminal underworld.

• Melbourne seemed to be covered in a mysterious hazy smoke earlier this week, and it turns out it was a little gift from Tassie. Fires from the island were so vast that the smoke made the trip across the ocean and clouded up Melbourne. The smoke made the 600km journey to cloud up the city after around 15 fires broke out in the mountains in the northwest of Tasmania, and the locals are working on controlling them.

Where to Eat and Drink

Trying to make the most of summer without blowing the budget? We’ve got you. Today's pick is a Thirsty Thursday staple—Hotel Barkly in St Kilda. It's steak night tonight, so you can enjoy a juicy steak, fries, salad, and sauce for just $20. Get in early between 4–5 pm for $8 beer jugs (yes, jugs), then stick around for Thursday night trivia. Cheap eats, cheap drinks, and a chance to prove you do know the capital of Peru—it’s a win-win.

Where to Live

Port Melbourne might not have much to offer unless you’re a budding stevedore, but what it does have is some absolutely massive houses. They're super modern too, and there's a spare room up for grabs in this one if you're looking for a perfect hosting space for the rest of summer. You'd be within walking distance to the best market in the city too (South Melbourne obviously).

Core selling point: the sheer size of the living room.

Where to Work

It would be quite iconic to work in Woolies, and the Metro store in Brunswick is hiring for a three-days-a-week casual to join the team. It does unfortunately come with some reassuringly early 6am starts, so anyone fully accustomed to the Aussie lifestyle, this one's for you. Stacking shelves and wandering the aisles of Woolies is the kind of relaxed life you came to Australia for, surely.

Where to Go

There's a very wholesome friends-making walk going on this evening for any girls who fancy a sunset stroll and a natter. The Social Circle meet-up starts at 7:15 pm sharp down by St Kilda Skate Park before a wander down to South Melbourne Beach—delightful. We're promised loads of girls go alone, so don't be shy. No boys tonight, unfortunately, but maybe one of you can take one for the team and copy the initiative for the lads.

Enjoying the Melbourne 417?