Australia’s scariest animal has been revealed, and no—it’s not you leaving Revs at 7 am. The award goes to the cassowary, a terrifying-looking thing that's often dubbed the world's most dangerous bird. While we're pretty safe down here in Melbourne, rumour has it there's a resident one lurking around a hostel in Mission Beach. Here's what's going on in our cassowary-free haven today.

The Headlines

• Melbourne loves a festival, and with the Grand Prix around the corner, we’re getting a free five-day one to celebrate. Running from March 20–24, the fan fest will take over the city with live music, pop-up bars, and as much car chat as you can handle. Expect sets from The Presets, The Jungle Giants, and Hot Dub Time Machine (just pretend you know who they are), plus plenty of food and drink to keep you going. F1 tickets will set you back a fair few hundred dollars at this point, so this is probably the next best thing.

• The Kooks are taking over the Palace Foreshore on Thursday, but in a fun turn of events, they're treating us to a 'secret' gig a day early. Cherry Bar will host the boys from Brighton tomorrow night and put on a night of mid-2000s indie classics to get everybody in the mood. The initial ticket allocation has (unsurprisingly) sold out, but the good old-fashioned method of ringing the box office is listed as an option—so if you can sweet-talk the staff, you might be in with a chance.

• Yet another big name in London is gracing our presence in Melbourne this weekend. DJ Mia Koden blends reggae, drum & bass, and dubstep, making for a heavy event and a warehouse rave vibe. You can catch her at Second Story Studios in Collingwood this Saturday from 5 pm - 1 am. Giving you early warning ahead of the weekend as the tickets are on final release at $40—not as extortionate as last weekend's UK visitors event.

Where to Eat and Drink

If the algorithm has picked up you're in Melbourne and like coffee, you’ve probably heard of the viral Mont Blanc iced coffee at Good Measure in Carlton. The café is most famous for its iconic, and often debated, title of ‘Melbourne's best’ brew. They’ve gone viral for their 10/10 coffee presentation, complete with a thick layer of sweet cream, orange zest, and nutmeg on top. At $8, it’s on the pricier side, but we can confirm that the Mont Blanc coffee is 100% worth the hype.

Where to Live

These girls are looking for a temp housemate for a couple of months until May to share their super central East Melbourne pad with them. It comes kitted out with a cool projector in the lounge, you could rot on that sofa for hours on end. $310 per week will get you the room and access to pool, gym, and sauna facilities—plus there's no bond which is always a bonus.

Core selling point: Just next to the MCG—no need to buy tickets, you'll be able to hear every gig and sports event.

Where to Work

Everybody loves the Pepe's courtyard, and if you're a big enough fan you want to spend all your free time there, now's your chance. The Italian favourite is hiring new "big and bright personalities" to keep the plates spinning. They're promising rota flexibility that fits around your lifestyle, but anyone who's worked even an hour in hospo knows to take that with a pinch of salt. To be in with a chance, you'll need a couple of years of experience and some wine knowledge under your belt—easy.

Where to Go

The iconic Section 8 turns 19 this week, and they're hosting a week-long birthday beach bash to celebrate. They've transformed their CBD laneway courtyard bar into a white sandy haven along with a line-up of the best DJs. The music kicks off at 6 pm nightly, and tonight sees the Tuesday regulars “Condensed Milk” take it up a notch for the big event, or pop down any night this week for special events. Entry is free, as always.

Enjoying the Melbourne 417?