Be warned, Victoria school holidays begin today. Ironically named 'Spring Break' without the Malibu from the bottle and girls in bikinis, prepare yourself for screaming kids flooding your local park. Here is your weekend round-up for Melbourne, child-free of course.

The Headlines

• As if it needs it, Chapel St is getting a new club night. Rhythm Thursdays will take over Circus with local DJs every week and promises two rooms, cheap drinks and a bunch of free tickets.

• From the best Chinese food in Melbs to... rat poo-infested Peking duck. The company behind a once popular food spot for students and Queen Vic Market lovers has been fined $48,000 for its appalling food hygiene standards. Look at the pics if you're brave, we'll stick to yesterday's recommended spots from now on.

• Big news for Brunswick. A beloved bronze statue named ‘Sparkly Bear’ located near Barkly Square was cruelly dethroned with an angle grinder last week and lifted away with a crane around 4am by thieves. Valued at an absolutely insane $60,000, it’s a big loss for the local community. So, if you’ve seen Sparkly Bear on the black market, surely do the right thing and give Crime Stoppers a call.

Where to Work

If the op shops aren't providing the eyewear game you're after for Melbourne summer, this Christmas casual role at Sunglass Hut could be the answer to your prayers. Offering a $300 voucher and up to 50% off across all brands, if your sales and customer service skills are up to scratch, that pair of Oakley’s you've had your eye on could be yours.

Where to Eat and Drink

No better happy hour in Melbourne. Offering $6 wine, $8 house lager and $12 cocktails to name a few. The Vic Bar in Abbotsford is a modest bar with a few street-side tables, open window front room and busy but relaxed atmosphere. These deals span to 8pm on the weekend, making it the perfect pre-drinks spot with friends before your dinner or night out.

Where to Live

If you're house-hunting with your new bestie you met at surf camp on your travels, there are two rooms up for grabs in, you guessed it, a Fitzroy house filled with natural light. Poor Ryan is being left behind by his two friends so do him a favour and sign up for some wine, Netflix binging and the occasional boogie.

Core selling point: the caged sofa in the front yard, great people watching spot we're sure.

Friday Event

Situated in a red curtain cladded 150-seater basement in the CBD, Morris House hosts the Basement Comedy Club on Friday (and Saturday) nights. Make sure you arrive nice and early to get comfortable back row seats to avoid being picked on by the host, and brace yourself for the $16 pints. But, from experience, it’s actually a funny evening with a broad range of comedians that you may even recognise if you're into niche Australian comedy shows.

Saturday Event

Simply the best way to spend your Saturday night, Tina! The Musical opens in Melbourne this weekend. Whether you know your Proud Mary from your A Fool in Love or are just there for the endless bangers, its a 417 approved way to spend your weekend.

Sunday Event

In true Aussie style, Brunswick favourite, Bridge Road Brewers, is throwing a Sunday sesh to celebrate its first birthday. Local DJs, self-declared good vibes and $15 hot dogs. There will even be some free pints up for grabs if you're willing to start early enough in the day.